Everyday Life in Germany: Wedding Edition  The Art of Celebrating Connection Between Cultures

Two weddings, two cultures – and one shared feeling: what happens when you experience a German wedding for the first time – and memories of a Syrian family celebration come flooding back?

It's summer 2022. My mobile rings – I’ve been invited to my first German wedding. It’s rather short notice: the bride’s grandparents are sick, and a place has become available. There are just thirty guests – fewer than at any family gathering on my grandmother’s terrace in Aleppo. The venue is somewhere between Gießen and Frankfurt. There’s no dress code – people are wearing whatever they feel comfortable in. Each detail of the invitation holds a small culture shock for me. But the main one is the start time: it begins at 1 o’clock in the afternoon. For me that’s an unexpectedly early start – and an indication that this wedding will be quite different to any I’ve known.

Coffee, Cake and Being a Stranger

On the day of the celebration, everything begins with a get-together over coffee and cake. The next culture shock is not far behind. I sip my coffee, eat a slice of apple cake, and hide my nerves behind small talk. Although I’m part of the moment, I feel like a guest among strangers – hardly anyone knows me. But I’m not the only one: even the families of the bride and groom are meeting for the first time today. When I realise this, I almost choke on a mouthful of apple cake. Amid the chatter and clink of crockery, the guests gradually get to know each other. Apart from the bride and groom, it’s the maid of honour and best man who take centre stage. They lead the programme, hosting the proceedings effortlessly – and they have taken charge of the entire wedding planning. These roles were given to the bride’s best friend and the sister of the groom. And rightly so: they’re providing fantastic support and ensuring that the evening runs smoothly.

A Clearly Structured Schedule

Speeches from the bride and groom, a kiss, then dinner — and finally, the games begin. A short while later, the bride is seated on a chair, her back turned to her husband, holding one of his shoes in her hand. The groom mirrors her, holding one of her shoes in his hand. The game is all about how well they know each other. They’re asked questions about each other and respond by holding up the shoe that matches their answer. The audience clap, whisper, giggle. The air is filled with curiosity, joy and laughter. Everything is new and exciting for me – and amid all the culture shocks, a huge smile spreads across my face.

A Dance Floor Shifts from Gießen to Aleppo

The dance floor opens, and everyone dances in a mix of styles. My personal highlight of the evening comes when the DJ plays my requested song, a belly dance track. I step into the centre of the dance floor, and the crowd forms a circle around me. My hips move to the rhythm of the music as the guests clap and laugh. I close my eyes – and every sway of my hips pulls me deeper into music and memory.

Suddenly, I’m back in Aleppo, 2008 – at my aunt’s wedding. Preparations began a full year in advance. My grandmother and the groom’s parents bore most of the stress – the guest list was limited to just 500 people. That led to sleepless nights. My grandma had nightmares that she had forgotten someone important. She pored over the list for hours, crossing off names, adding new ones – always afraid that she had overlooked someone.

Amid Traditions and Tears

The night before the wedding, I stayed at my grandma’s house. She got up early to make coffee. I woke to the voice of Fairuz – one of the most famous singers in the Arab world. In Syria she belongs to the morning like the first ray of sunlight: in cafés, buses and shops – and at my grandma’s house. Soon after, my aunts and uncles arrived, and one by one, the whole family appeared. The doorbell was ringing nonstop. People were dancing and celebrating even at breakfast time. Suddenly, amid the chatter, the singing, and the rhythmic stomping of feet during the Dabkeh dance, my eldest aunt began to cry. The whole family joined in. They were mourning my grandfather, who could no longer witness this day. Although he had died twenty years earlier, and my aunt had barely known him, everyone went silent in mourning for him and for his absence. Someone said quietly: “He would have wanted us to dance.” And so the party carried on.

Later, we filled my grandmother’s living room and balcony – in anticipation of the Zaffeh al-‘Arous (زفة العروس), the traditional bridal procession. The bride was picked up by the groom and his family in a car. Within moments, twenty cars lined up outside, and our entire family joined the procession. But we didn’t head straight to the wedding venue. Instead, we all took a drive around the Citadel of Aleppo – a one-hour city tour filled with singing, dancing, and a chorus of car horns. On the way to the wedding venue, strangers stepped out onto their balconies, cheering and waving at the bride and groom. This meant that the whole city shared in the celebration of the imminent marriage.

No Party Without Dancing

After we arrived at the venue, the doors stayed open from 11 pm until 5 o’clock the next morning. We toasted the married couple with food, drink, and music. Of course, there was dancing – but not the free-for-all you would expect in Germany. Here, we danced in three distinct styles:

1. Solo dancing – everyone has a handkerchief in their hand to emphasise movements and to mop their brow.
2. دبكة (Dabkeh), a traditional circle dance in which participants hold hands and dance in a semi-circle. The people at each end lead the circle.
3. And of course the belly dance.

Two Cultures, One Connection

The memory of the belly dance at my aunt’s wedding pulls me out of my thoughts – back onto the dance floor somewhere between Gießen and Frankfurt. I open my eyes and feel just how precious this moment is: sharing my own culture while experiencing another. Above all, there is a feeling of connection. It is a moment of joy in which Syria and Germany merge into one. New experiences can be unsettling – but it’s precisely these differences that bring us together. So we celebrate cultures together, and the people we love – and maybe our wedding dance celebrates the connection between these cultures.

November 2025