Everyday Life in Germany: Dinner Edition
Dinner at a Friend’s House

Take off your shoes, bring some wine and (don't) help out. Lena Maurer from South Tyrol loves to spend evenings at friends' homes. That's why she knows how a 'typical German' dinner invitation works.  A personal insight.

Already as a teenager, cooking evenings with South Tyrolean friends were part of my everyday life. We would decide on a pasta dish, cut the vegetables together, one person would cook and we would clean up after the meal.

Also during my time as a student in Munich, we often arranged to have dinner at a friend's house, because we simply didn't have enough money to go out to restaurants.  However, this changed when I started working. Instead of cooking together casually, we went out to eat more often. I also suddenly noticed more and more of what I would describe as 'typically German' habits at dinner invitations - although I have to admit that I do a lot of the same things now. 

To avoid any confusion among non-German readers, here are some of the habits associated with eating together in a German household.

Welcome to My Home!

If you have managed to be invited into the home of a German, first of all I would like to congratulate you. In Germany, it is absolutely not usual to invite friends to your home.  Sometimes this is due to lack of space. The dining table is far too small, or you feel that your home is bursting at the seams without visitors. Also, the own four walls are seen as a place of retreat - so having visitors means opening up and revealing a lot about yourself. Only good friends and close family members are allowed to invade one's privacy.

Sorry for the Mess...

The flat is as good as new, but it's typically German to start by apologising for the mess. The fact that the whole flat has been polished to a high gloss is discreetly concealed. 

The Perfect Gift

In some cases, you are briefed before dinner: One person brings the dessert, another the sparkling wine. If this briefing fails to materialise, you can either turn up empty-handed and ask afterwards if you should 'at least contribute to the purchase'. Or you can bring white wine. I don't know why, but among my German friends it's always white wine. No red wine, no beer, no champagne. Just white wine. Thank me for the tip later.

Please Take Your Shoes Off!

Many Germans don't like it at all if you walk around the house with your shoes on. It is a good idea to ask at the door if you can take your shoes off. Think about your choice of socks.

'Make Yourself at Home' 

Once the shoes are off, this phrase often follows: 'Make yourself at home'. All I can say is please don't make yourself at home (unless you're best friends and have been cuddling on the sofa together since kindergarten).

Helping out is not welcome 

Going shopping and cooking together before dinner at a friend's house is the exception rather than the rule. The hosts usually prepare everything before the meal, so you can't really help. Washing up after dinner is also not a shared task and is usually done by the host. However, it is polite to ask if you can help. No more than stacking plates is allowed anyway.

It’s Quiet After 10 PM

I know many stories of friends who had the police at their door at half past ten because a neighbour heard noises coming from their flat. The Germans take their laws very seriously and noise after 10 PM means disturbing the peace - Ruhestörung!

My tip here is to bribe the neighbours with sweets if you're having a loud party, and let them know in advance if it's likely to get louder. If you're having a spontaneous get-together after 10 PM, the only thing you can do is close the window and hope your German neighbours are merciful.